Saturday, July 5, 2014

You Can Never Go Back.....

No matter what the situation is or was you can never go back can you?  Once something has been done, it cannot be undone.  It is just like that isn't it?  That is life and life was stolen from my son.
I look back at the last almost 18 years of my son going missing.  There is nothing I could have done to change what transpired.    I always had an uneasy feeling about Damien’s safety.  He was trusting and he was very gregarious and sometimes his mouth got him into an awkward spot.  He was a good person.   He did not have a malicious bone in his body.  He was just very very silly, with a very good sense of humor.  He just wanted to be liked.  Something happened to Damien and we still don’t know what or why.

We do believe somebody does know and they are watching us carefully to see how much we have learned.  We know.


When this bad thing happened to Damien, that you know about, you were young, probably not much older than Damien who was 16 years old, a baby still.  You and others did something that haunts you to this day.  It was really bad.  Sometimes you cry out loud and pull your hair.  You can’t believe it, can you?  But it happened, just like a bad dream, it haunts you. 

You are a parent now.  You have a spouse who trusts you, and you are the world to your family.  Look at their little faces.  They don’t know what you did, do they?  What would they think if they knew?  You know what, don’t you?  But you could never face it could you?  For them to really know you and what your capable of.  Look at your parents who are either oblivious or stupid or, they are covering up for you? Ah!!!  Which is it?  No matter, you know don’t you and you are squirming right now.

You can’t go back.  You were young and with that crowd of idiots who ran riot round the town like they owned it.  They did damage, in many forms.  They were violent and nasty and they hated anything and everything that showed promise.  They wanted to ruin things that others had achieved.  They were mean mongrels.  They were off their heads on drugs.  They didn’t care, did they?  They grew old, got fat, and spawned more of the same kind of lesser human beings.  Some cleaned up and left that past behind under the guise of success, moving on, getting a decent job, getting married, buying a home and aspiring to all those things they used to want to destroy.  They are like you aren’t they?  They grew up and they have something bad to hide.  They get cold when they hear Damien Nettles name, because they know what they did too, don’t they?

Think about it.  You are old now look in the mirror, what do you see?  You might think you can run around the town causing mayhem, upsetting good people, smashing a window or starting a fight or setting fire to the bins as you go.  But you will look stupid now won’t you?  You looked stupid back then.  You’re not the young buck anymore.  Your old, getting fatter, got a family and a job.  Maybe you go to Church .  You can’t go back to that time before you did that thing and start the clock again.  It won’t work, because we are not going to let you rest.