Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Fighting My Way Back into Life

After my son went missing, my life fractured. I had to learn to pick up the pieces of my torn soul. Stepping cautiously across the abysses that lay between the new normal and the shocking abnormal.  

Each day for the past 17 years has been an exercise of re-gaining my existence on this earth.  Putting on a good facade and going to work and being a productive person again. Trying to trust life/people again has been a long upward climb.  As time has passed I have become stronger and better at this. 

I could fool anyone who didn’t know my story or struggle. I have never given up on the search for Damien and I have learned to balance work, life & family the best I can while keeping up the profile of my missing son.

But it does not take very much to destroy this fragile framework of  existence and trust.  Some say and think that I am a strong person.  But they don't really see me. Some judge my sorrow as unhappiness, but they don't see me. 

I exist in a state of confusion, loss, helplessness, disbelief, anger,  despair, fierce determination and a fragile hope.